how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
