I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
