Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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