tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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