he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
