my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
