Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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