Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
