You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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