Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
