i already hear my dad disowning me
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
