the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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