I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
