I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
