Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
