I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize