I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
