Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize