i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
