There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
