he shaved USA in his pubs
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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