She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
