Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
