I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Randomize
