I got chris browned last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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