I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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