where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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