Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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