Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
