I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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