Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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