They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
