I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
