I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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