I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
