you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
