I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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