I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
