its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize