He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
