Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Randomize
