tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
