I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
