Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
