I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You're like the curious george of whores
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
