Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize