We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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