i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
