So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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