where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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