Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
