if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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