If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
