my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
