My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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