What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
