I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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