my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Semen is not good for contacts.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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