6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
