i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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