I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
